Love - All

As long as I can remember my dad has played tennis. He tried many times in my childhood to get my sister and I interested. It never really stuck. Maybe it was too slow, required too much skill to be exciting; or maybe I had too many other activities vying for my time.

For an embarrassingly long time since I became an adult, I've intended to sign up for a tennis class. FINALLY - I've done it! Its just with the local community activity center, but we've got a great coach (my dad got to play my coach and said so ;-)) and I'm having lots of fun. I can see how the game becomes addictive.
Grandy is also keen to get the next generation out of the court and has already bought Peanut her first racquet when she was about a year old. There must be something to it. Grandy bounced the ball around on the racquet when we visited him and the next time Peanut saw him many months later, the first thing she did was turn around, run out of the room to her room and return holding her tennis racquet.

During their visit here last month, Grandy took us all out for a little training session. It was Papa's first time on a tennis court and it was hard to break out of the squash playing mold as you can tell by the "I'm going to send this one into orbit" look of determination on his face.

Going native

Our yard is in pretty lame condition. We haven't done much landscaping since we moved here -- and it doesn't look like any of the previous owners did either. The front yard is full of what I consider the 'basic' plants put in by the builders. Nothing spectacular to look at. The back yard is full of, well, nothing. We have two trees and that's it!

Since fall is prime planting season in Texas, we decided to get our yard into shape. At the same time, we're very interested in using native Texas plants that need less water and are better suited to the climate.

Peanut's papa even attended a Texas Smartscaping seminar to learn more about the plants and techniques for maintaining them. He's also keen on using less chemical fertilizers and pesticides.

So far, following the advice of the Dirt Doctor, he's rolled out a cornmeal-based formula as a pre-emergent and a week later, a molasses-based formula to help the lawn grow. The better condition your lawn is in -> the less weeds can grow -> the less chemicals you'll need goes the theory.

He's also using yard clippings and trimmings as mulch around the bushes.

The biggest projects have been refurbishing, or rather creating new, flower beds. Out came some corniferious ground cover. In went organic soil, a layer of wet newspapers topped off by a few inches of mulch. Now, it all needs to settle for a few weeks before we plant. The newspaper layer is there to prevent weeds from growing up and will decompose and be tilled back into the new flowerbeds.

As this is our first yard in Texas, the Natural Gardner website was also helpful in clueing us into what should be done each month. Another piece of advice I got was that around every big holiday (Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day), you do something with your yard!

Big Tex says Step Right Up!

We made it to the State Fair of Texas right before they packed up this past weekend. What fun!

If it was deep-fried, we probably ate it. Fried Coke (yes, the drink!) was supposed to be the big hit this year. It certainly was a creative idea, but the stand selling it was oddly quiet and even somewhat depressing. I would've imagined excited employees whipping up batches, loudly proclaiming its wonders and serving it up with a big smile. But, no. There was no chatter, no big showmanship, no smile. We even tossed half the battery slush away.

Onto Fletcher's Corny Dogs... and deep fried cheesecake. Peanut's papa being Dutch was designated as our official lead taster. He thinks the cheesecake would be excellent if served cold. Rounding it out, the classic: funnel cake with powdered sugar. This even Peanut dug into heartily.

We cruised through the car show hangers checking out what's new. Peanut's papa 'tried on' a couple of cars. Peanut was busy pointing out all the wheels - one of her latests words.

Then we wandered into game row where all the balloons, basketball hoops, targets and other tests of your skills called us in. We couldn't walk through there without winning something for Peanut! $10 got us 7 darts to throw at a wall of balloons and a chance to win a toddler-size stuffed Curious George. Alas, we walked away with a glitzy frog pulled out from beneath the counter, but Peanut loved it anyway :-)

She even tried her own luck at a game where 'everybody is a winner!'. All you have to do is grab a floating duck from the whirling waters. She added a little stuffed butterfly to her prize collection that way.

The Fair also had a Petting Zoo (complete with kangaroos), displays of Texas agriculture, arts & crafts and all the other goodies that make a Fair. We had to skip the Midway this year since Peanut's too small and mama's belly is too big. Perhaps next time we'll get a sunset view of the Dallas skyline from atop the giant ferris wheel.

We should've been quarantined

Well, not really, but it sure seemed like last week wherever you looked around our home, you saw sick Peanut, sick mama, sick papa. Perhaps even the kitties were sick, but we were just too sick to tell.

Fortunately, Peanut was the healthiest of all. She made it through the week with just one little vomit episode and a couple of loose diapers. (Too much info?! Watch out - there's more coming). She barfed on our bed, into our awaiting hands cupped to catch her vomit. Then papa quickly scooped up a little vomit covered Peanut and snuggled with her to help her get over the nasty surprise. The things you do without even blinking an eye for your children. Amazing.

I spent much of the week on the sofa or in the bathroom, thanks to a stomach virus followed by a fever and sore throat. Papa had to go out of town after he recovered enough to get on a plane.

I was at a loss as to how to get through the days with Peanut. I was so tired and completely lacked any will to make/eat food, play games or go anywhere.

So, I turned on the TV for Peanut. We never have the TV on during the day so I didn't know if it would amuse her, but I needed some help. I didn't want to take her anywhere cause I thought she might be contagious, too. No family in town and I only know one babysitter. What else to do?

Well, Peanut just LOVED PBS Kids. She LOVED Curious George. She followed Clifford the Big Red Dog through all his adventures. And, some computer animated looking show about a tree sloth, monkeys and a green tropical frog was just fab. I tried to be involved - what's the monkey say? Oh, did he go into the tree? Dogs like bones......

Peanut could have cared less where I was or what I had to say. She lay down on the floor, tucked her thumb in and did not move for the entire show.

I felt a bit sorry for her. She usually wanders around the house and finds something to do, but also likes to do many of these things with mama, who could not this week.

Today, when I felt better, Peanut took the TV remote, pushed the red on button and waited. I had to explain how the TV is sleeping today and there will be no monkey show. Maybe, she'll forget Curious George....maybe not. TV is powerful stuff. Now, I really know why its recommended to limit TV viewing for little ones.

Some other activities I did manage to do with Peanut from the sofa were:
> blowing bubbles - fun for her, the kitties chased them and I didn't have to move
> sticker book - again, very little effort on my part, just handing her stickers
> coloring book
> hiding toys under the blanket
> reading
> puzzles

And, for next time, I've hidden away a Mr. Potato Head toy that will come out as a surprise. Its kinda like planning for a long flight - new toys, easy to play with while fixed in one spot, and kid-friendly snacks all packed up and ready to take out.

Carnival in Coppell!

This past weekend, the St. Ann's Catholic Church in Coppell filled its front parking lot with carnival rides, foods and arts& crafts.

We took Peanut one evening not so much for the rides, but just to see the action, lights and people. And, interesting carnival people were there. The rides half of the event was run by a professional group who evidently go from event-to-event with their rather junky looking equipment and charge outrageous carnival prices (like $5 for funnel cake with powdered sugar!! from a mix!!! I saw the mix on the counter - they just add water!!!).

That all aside, it was a really nice atmosphere. It made me happy to live in a city that hold such events attended by families with children in strollers, toddler shoes and baseball caps. Pre-teen/teens also were there sitting in circles, chatting on mobile phones and standing in line for the wilder rides. All of it feeling very wholesome, safe and cozy.

A special tent for smaller carnival goers reminded me of my own elementary school fall fairs. The games where everyone is always a winner of some small trinket: Go Fish, Bean Bag Toss, Picking Plastic Ducks.

Peanut really enjoyed the open-air performance area and clapped along with the clubby music of young boys dancing like their favorite pop stars.

Maastrict - a little gem in the South

We spent two days in the southern city of Maastricht in hopes of edging away from the rain front and getting a peek at a part of the country we usually don't see.

The drive was a quick 2 hours into countryside that no longer looked typically like the Netherlands. There were more farms, fields and forests; virtually no windmills, sheep grazing or road level dykes full of water.

Maastricht was very approachable and friendly. We stayed at the very comfy Best Western by the railway station and only a few minutes walk from all the main attractions. Peanut didn't find it so comfy and thought our room to be too confining - she would start to cry as we approached the door :-( The swimming pool downstairs did cheer her up, but we'll think twice before trying for a city weekend in a hotel with a busy little girl again!

Peanut was much more interested in walking the cobblestoned streets than bouncing along in her stroller . Her little Ballerina Duck kept her company - she always has a little soft friend with her wherever we go. Luckily, she isn't overly attached to any one (except Pooh to sleep with) that as long as its fuzzy and cute, Peanut is happy to take Ballerina Duck, Lion, Crinkly Dog, Raggedy Anne, Pooh, little Penguin the fingerpuppet or Frog with her.

We did manage to get in a cup of nice hot chocolate at one of the cafes lining the main church square, the Vrijthof. It was closed off as that weekend kicked off their largest gastronomic affair featuring hundreds of booths of food, wine and other delights.

It was a refreshing detour on our vacation and I hope we can spend more time in this part of the country again someday.

Tummy troubles and ear infections

It seems no vacation of ours is ever complete without someone getting sick!

This time around it was Peanut's papa. Though this is the second time he has come down with similar symptoms on vacation. Poor guy - it just seems his body goes on break when we go on holiday! During our first week in the Netherlands he came down with a low grade fever and some tummy rumbles which quickly progressed to stomach cramps and diarrhea. They had him down on the sofa and moaning in bed for three days. When the imodium didn't work, we went to a local pharmacy for good old fashioned carbon tablets which seemed to finally do the trick.

Peanut and I fortunately stayed healthy that week.

Two days before we were set to head back home, Peanut wakes up with a fever of 39.2C. She had called out for mama a few times during the night, but always quickly fell asleep so I didn't realize anything was wrong until she cried early in the morning.

We decided to take her to the doctor since her fever kept rising after Tylenol doses. In the Netherlands, most doctors are "family doctors" who have office hours until noon and then spend the afternoon making house calls to very ill patients. Oma & Opa weren't sure that a short fever in toddler would be considered 'very ill' yet. Luckily they lived in a small village and were able to call their family doctor and convince her to take us in that afternoon.

It was a quiet little office where we spent just a short time waiting. The doctor saw us in her office. She was very laid back. After we told her about how Peanut was feeling, she checked her ears and confirmed that one of them was inflamed. She said usually they do not medicate for ear infections believing that they pass in 2 - 3 days, but since we were traveling back home so soon she agreed to write us a prescription.

Peanut got the classic Amox. Penicillin treatment and nose drops for the plane. The Dutch Penicillin is not pink - it was a yellowish fruity flavor Peanut didn't like at first. We had to dose her 3x/day with 4 ml.

Since we didn't have much choice as to the doctor, we didn't check that it was covered by our insurance and were a bit worried about what it all might cost. No need to have been. Even with no insurance, the total bill for drs visit and medications was only EUR 39.92 (barely $50.00).

By the time we set off for home, Peanut was already feeling better and Papa was enjoying regular meals, too!

Windmills, green houses and clogs made of foam

On a rare day when the sunshine filtered through the trees, we visited the Open Air Museum (Openluchsmuseum) in Arnhem.

Gathered into the museum from around the country were cottages, farm houses, city homes, windmills, trams and a collection of other buildings. The brochure warned us to reserve at least three hours to make the whole tour.

What made the Museum such a treat was that many of the buildings were still "occupied".

The first home we entered was a combination of the stables and living quarter - just a small space at the end of the barn. Tending a boiling cauldron over a fire was the lady of the house. She was preparing a stew which we could sample.

Next door, a gentleman was making old fashioned waffle cookies with an iron over his kitchen fire. The kitchen table was set for tea and the catch of the day (rabbits) was hanging in the corner.

Outside we could hear a consistent click, click, BAM! click, click, BAM! A mill was turning the hefty wooden mechanism that pounded grapeseeds to produce a steady trickle of oil.

Naturally there were windmills - a whole collection of them. Each showing was the power of the wind could do. One windmill functioned as a sawmill trimming planks of wood down to size. Another had been used to pump water with a huge screw pump.

A collection of green houses from the Zaan area were filled with upper middle class decor, a candy shop and a bakery.

It was such fun and gave all of your senses a way to imagine the past!

On the way out, Peanut's dad picked up a size 12 pair of the classically styled Dutch clogs in bright yellow. They are actually a pair of slippers :-)

Where there's a will, there's a way

(I think I'm beginning to be influenced too much by the headlines of the Dallas Morning News which ALWAYS, ALWAYS have to have some play on words no matter how serious the topic...)

Peanut's already one and we've been meaning to get around to it for just as many months - our wills.

Now, its just going to get done. Period. We're going to sit down and hash through all the details of what happens to sweet Peanut when we both die. Who will take care of her? What will happen to our "assets" (few and far between as they are)? Who will take care of our kitties? Not easy as it means reviewing the abilities and those lacking in our family members and friends to chose the right one.

If you can't/don't want to use a lawyer - there are many online services to help you out:
Legal Zoom
Nolo
US Legal Forms

The same thought seems to be floating around in many minds in the blogosphere - like at Mia's blog where she writes about her plans much more eloquently and fluently than I do here (but, if I can just link to it, that makes it OK).

And just in case you weren't yet convinced you need one - check out the BabyCenter list of why you AND your spouse do.

The close of birthday party season declared

As of June 30th, Peanut's nearly four month long birthday party season has ended. During the past four months nearly all of Peanut's friends celebrated the big ONE. Some months were slower than others; between April and May we were at a party virtually every weekend. One notable weekend in early May had a party each on Saturday and Sunday!

While some argue that babies don't need an elaborate first celebration, I think its as much for the parents as it is for the birthday baby. I was really excited to reach this milestone and wanted to throw a party to commemorate. I realize Peanut won't remember any of it, but we will and it was a special day for us, too.

The format was fairly similar for each celebration:
> around 2 hours, usually in the early afternoon
> first some time to socialize, babies play in the center of the room
> about 1/2 hr into the party, some people begin to check out the finger foods
> at about the half way point, baby is strapped into high chair, special birthday hat and bib are put on and parents come out with the small baby cake, we all sing and baby hesitantly digs in as we wait to see how much ends up in the hair, ears and covering baby's face :-)
> separate cake served for guests
> then its present opening time
> and soon after everyone trickles out the door with goody bag in hand

We went to themed parties (Elmo, lady bug, First Birthday animals), parties at the park under a pavillion and parties held at Gymboree. Some more elaborate than others, but for all, clearly a good deal of planning went into them.

Invitations and thank-you cards were usually coordinated to match the themes. Some cards were store-bought and handwritten, others self-designed and computer printed and a few even specially designed and professionally printed with the birthday baby's picture.

Goody bags lined up by the door contained surprises like rubber duckies, notepads, photo albums, picture frame magnets, books, rubber balls and other small gifts. Peanut gave a pinwheel and some sidewalk chalk to her guests. I wonder where the whole goody bag thing got its start? Someone in our group even suggested making an agreement next year to just skip them!

A bonus from the parties was that we got to know the dads better over several rounds of cake and ice cream though there usually only a handful of fathers at the events.

Papa's little Peanut

We had a mellow Father's Day yesterday as Peanut was recovering from a fever. She sported special, hand-made, designer (read: mama went to Michael's and decorated) shirts all day long with messages like "Papa's Girl", "I love my dad" and "My papa rocks!". Luckily there were three shirts because by day's end she had had all off & on :-)

Peanut's papa had dreamed of a breakfast at IHOP for Father's Day. I'm not exactly sure what he expected from IHOP, but being Dutch I suspect it was something similar to the mega-pancake houses you can enjoy in the Netherlands. There you get such pannekoeken delights as cheese and bacon pancakes...ohh...so good! IHOP is not exactly that, but off we went! Unfortunately, many others had pancake plans and the guests were spilling out into the parking lot. We decided to pass and enjoyed some treats back at home.

While we were out, my dad had left us a message. He's already in Finland enjoying the summery shores of Lake Koitere near Ilomantsi where our summer cottage is. Lovely sunset, perfectly still waters, sauna heating, freshly caught perch frying....and amazing temperatures of 80F. We miss it already! He just finished his prostate cancer radiation treatments last week and was on a plane bound for 'home' as soon as humanly possible. Now we wish him a beautiful Finnish summer to help recuperate and repair his mind, body and soul.

He's also planning to film some of the surrounding wildlife for Peanut - the diving birds nesting under the sauna, the seagulls, the island mice and those soothing birches swaying in the breeze. I'm so happy that Peanut will also get many years with him to learn about the joys of nature - just like he unveiled to me and my sister.

Sleep and No-sleep, Again

It seems like the endless story - this month, Peanut sleeps poorly; next month, Peanut sleeps well. In the meantime, papa sleeps as Peanut sleeps and mama usually just sleeps here & there. I asked Peanut's Grandma the other day when would she start sleeping consistently well and she told me "oh, sometime before she goes to school!".

Since Feb, Peanut had a strong case of separation anxiety that naturally flared up in the evening. I couldn't bare to hear her cry so desparately so I began snuggling her down, holding her in my arms until she was asleep and then attempting to deftly, silently, smoothly lower her into her crib. Sometimes it all went well. Often that last inch before the mattress her eyes fluttered opened followed by a big wail. Back to the chair we went.

Then, she began waking & crying at night. Papa would bring her to our bed and we'd all snuggle down for the rest of the night. Often I thought it was the sweetest thing to have our whole family in bed together. But, when Peanut couldn't settle down or got comfortable in a position that left one of us hanging off the side of the bed, it wasn't so nice.

This week, it was time to try "sleep training" aka a bit of crying. Wednesday was horrible. Mama cried and could barely sleep herself. I went through an on-going inner debate of being there for Peanut when she needs me and helping her to fall asleep on her own (but she's only a baby!!!).

Thursday, we tucked Peanut in with Pooh Bear and the cries quickly faded away. Today, there has hardly been a whimper.

Maybe Peanut just needed a little friend to share the bed with her.

Miffy's (Nijntje's) grandparents are dead

Peanut loves Miffy (Nijntje). Miffy is a the brainchild of Dutch author Dick Bruna. Because I am Dutch, I use the Dutch language version of Miffy books to make Peanut familiar with my mother tongue. The books are ideal for night time stories. They are about 20 pages thick and on every right page you have a drawing and every left page approx 4 lines of text to read out. Miffy is an approx 4 years old rabbit girl and the pictures are drawn with very simple lines and bright primary colors.

We only have 4 books or so, so I know these stories very well by now. We also have a DVD with Miffy episodes. As I read and watch Miffy with Peanut, I learn more about Miffy. Here's what I have found out:


1. Miffy's grandparents are dead
It struck me that the book "Grandma and grandpa Bunny" ("Oma en opa Pluis") is written entirely in past tense. The book talks about grandma and grandpa and what they liked in past tense. This must mean they are dead. As Peanut starts to understand the world more and more, I am starting to feel increasingly apprehensive about reading this story. Peanut's grandparents are very much alive and I want her to think of them as such.

Actually, browsing the Miffy web site a bit more, we find proof that Miffy's grandma is dead, because the story "Dear Grandma Bunny" ("Lieve Oma Pluis") is actually about grandma's grave.


2. Miffy is growing up in almost entirely female environment
The Miffy stories have a largely female cast. In the stories I have seen, Miffy has met her grandpa and has one male bear friend. All other cast members are implicitly or explicitly female. What does this mean? The male sex has been eliminated from Bunny land? One can only speculate about the reasons for this - and no, I wont go there. Point is, I want Peanut to understand that almost half of the global population is male and they are not (all) alien or scary and it is ok to love your daddy and to fall in love with a man later on in life.


3. Miffy is probably growing up in a Calvinistic Christian family
In the story "Nijntje in luilekkerland" which is not listed on the web site, Nijntje is daydreaming about "luilekkerland", a land where it rains candy, the pavement is made of chocolate, children don't have to clean up after themselves and can go to bed at the same time as adults. She concludes her daydreams that living in such a place probably is not fun in the long run and she might turn into a spoiled and fat rabbit. It is better to be normal, eat your porridge and be healthy.

I grew up in a Calvinistic Christian family and the story seems to me to be communicating those values to Peanut. It is up to you if you think this is appropriate to communicate to your child. I'd like Peanut to be able to enjoy herself without burdening her with a feeling of guilt or sin at a young age. Also, the comment about being fat may communicate a negative bias towards obese people.


4. Miffy is growing up in an environment with established role expectations
Miffy's mother is a stay-at-home mom who takes care of Miffy and does household chores. Miffy's aunt appears to be single and fills her days with baking cookies and organizing parties. Miffy's grandma loves to knit. In "Miffy goes to stay" we get to know the mother of Miffy's friend, who is also at home.

So essentially Miffy's role models are all female and all occupy themselves with household chores and children. Now, I respect women who chose to do this, but I also believe that we live in an age where this is a choice, not fate. I think it would be good for Miffy to have role models of adults who do other things, female and male. This would extend to Peanut as well.


5. At 4 years old, Miffy is supposed to be independent
In "Miffy goes to stay" ("Nijntje gaat logeren"). Miffy gets on the bus alone to go and visit her friend. I don't know about you, but I would not feel comfortable putting a 4-year old child on public transport by herself/himself.

In one of the Miffy movies, Miffy and her friends go camping by themselves without adult supervision. Again, I would not feel comfortable with that.

Is Miffy really teaching Peanut to expect to be this independent? Don't Miffy's parents care? Or is Miffy's mommy so busy with her household chores that she doesn't mind if Miffy is out of the way for a bit? You know, maybe before Miffy's daddy comes home? I guess with Miffy's parents being rabbits, they can always have a new litter :)


Honestly, I wrote this posting more in jest than as a serious complaint or accusation. But as I wrote this, I did start to wonder if these subtle messages in the Miffy books affect the development of children. Any comments / ideas?

Delivery from a dad's point of view

Sure, it is kinda late for me to post this now, Peanut is 7 weeks old. No, it did not take me 7 weeks to mentally recover from the delivery, we have recently moved and getting the new place up and running has taken quite some time. Anyway, this article is specifically for the non-physically-pregnant part of the couple. In most cases you will probably be "dad" like me - but this applies to anyone entering the maternity clinic to support a delivery.

So, in modern times in Finland, the dad is expected to play an active role in the delivery room. In all honesty, the thought of being there scared me. I don't handle blood well and the prospect of seeing my lovely wife in pain just made me feel like I did not want to be there. Which is silly really, because she probably needed my presence more than at any time before in her life [except for conceiving the baby :-)].

Despite your active role, do not expect the maternity hospital or the delivery room to specifically cater to the husband. You will have to bring your own food and drinks. Make sure you get some filling foods that will slowly release energy. A delivery can take quite some time (36 Hours in our case). Some caffinated drinks such as coke/pepsi might be good. Don't eat only sugar based energy boosters. They will give you a sugar rush, leaving you more tired than you were before you took it. We had our baby in Kätilöopisto and they have a small relaxation room for dads with a microwave, coffee maker and some other basics. Check it out on one of their tours.

In case of a long delivery, you are also going to make sure you get a break and some rest. When Peanut's mom got an epidural during the delivery process, she fell asleep. I took that time to quickly go home, freshen up and call my mom to get some support. You need to be in shape to support your wife when she gets back to feeling pain and in the final stages of delivery, so you need to manage your own energy levels to make sure you can do that. If the hospital is very full, like when we were having Peanut, you wont be able to sleep in the hospital during your breaks in the birthing process or after the birth. If the hospital is far from home (>20 mins) make sure you can crash at a friend's place close to the hospital or book a nearby hotel. If you are going to Kätilöopisto in Helsinki, there is a Holiday-Inn hotel next to "Messukeskus", close to Hartwall Areena, about 10-15 minutes from the hospital by car.

In the delivery room there really is not that much you can do. The midwife will take care of all the essentials. Ask her to explain what she's doing so you know what is going on. Most midwives speak decent English. Note that a midwife in Finland is really an educated health worker. She's authorized to give injections, install drips etc.

Way before delivery, discuss with the soon to be mother how she would like to give birth. Go through the birth plan if she has one. If she doesn't have one, make one with her. See a previous article on this blog for details. This way you can help in directing the delivery in the way that the mother to be would like. Once the contractions start coming thick and fast, she wont be able to talk or concentrate much, but decisions will need to be made. Other than that, you can help with pain relief, for instance by helping her take the laughing gass in time, applying a hotpack to the lower back and wiping her forehead with a cold cloth.

Once in the pushing stage, your need to support her will depend on the birthing position. If she's on her back, there probably isn't much you can do. If she's ona birthing stool, you'll have to physically support her, which makes for an intense and involved experience. But let that not dictate what position to use, the most important thing is that the baby makes it out quick and safe, the 2nd most important that mom-to-be is as healthy and comfortable as possible.

Finally, giving birth is not a clean, clinical process. There is pain, blood, liquids, needles etc. But you will not be bothered by any of this. You will hardly remember it afterwards. I am probably the least suitable person to enter the delivery room when it comes to these things, but I survived and that means you can do it too. And it is a great experience!