A Boy and his Cow

"Boooooo, Moooooooo" Tex suddenly called out one day and pointed to a black & white stuffed cow.

Since then, "Boo" has been his lovey. I don't know what inspired his attachment and why he fixated on this toy, but it is somehow appropriate.

I quickly tried to introduce Kitty-Cat as a back-up to Boo. Afterall, both these toys are black & white and fairly similar. Tex seems happy with the idea. Both help soothe him to sleep and when he's feeling a bit unsure. He loves to twirl his finger around in Boo's ear and use Kitty-Cat's tail to brush along his eyebrows. If these make him feel better, than I'm happy for him.

Peanut also honed in on her beloved Pooh Bear around the same age. Though now that she's three, Pooh & Blanket have been displaced by imaginary friends that easily go and appear where she is. I think this is a great development! We no longer have to worry about losing a precious friend or having to separate Peanut from her lovey for its much-needed bi-weekly wash. She'll just hold out her empty hand and say guess who's here, mama? It maybe Ice Cream Truck, it may be a Bee, there is a whole cast of characters to choose from.

Breaking the Thumb Habit

Almost as soon as she could, Peanut put her thumb into her mouth. It gave her peace, it made her happy and it helped her sleep through the night. Pacifiers were spit out with a venegence that sent them popping loudly into the side of her cardboard KELA-box bed. Her choice was her thumb.

And, its been that way ever since.

Now, as she approaches her third birthday, I thought it was time to start weaning off her thumb. Sure, the pediatrician suggested I try it earlier, but the last year was filled with so much change for her from a new little brother to two new homes, I thought if her thumb helps her through it, that's fine with me. Her dentists have never made an issue of the thumb-sucking, but I think the sooner she can stop, the easier it will for all of us.

We started with a small talk about saving thumb for only bedtime. Then, we added some incentive to it -- the Princesses would reward her for her hard work. Yes, once again, I've recruited our friends Pink Princess (aka Sleeping Beauty), Cinderella, Ariel and Jasmin to help our cause.

Every morning, Peanut finds a little surprise from the princess who visited during the night: a coloring page and stickers dedicated to the princess. These lovely ladies also place a sticker on her wall poster and promise bigger rewards for the weekend.

So far, its worked like a charm. Peanut carefully puts her hands in her lap even in the car -- a very tempting place to suck your thumb. Sometimes she literally bursts into tears with longing, but fights the urge. I am extremely proud of her...as are the princesses.

Time out, please!

As Peanut nears her second birthday, she in typical toddler fashion is exerting her own will and checking her parents to see if all those pesky boundaries still hold true from day to day.

So, we've introduced the concept of "time-outs" at our house. We don't have a special chair or place, Peanut just either stands with her back against the wall or sits in one of the kitchen chairs tucked into a corner. Pooh bear is not allowed to go with her. She's not allowed to suck her thumb or twirl her hair -- her two favorite comfort activities -- when in time out. Mama & papa don't respond to her. She just has to wait it out until the kitchen timer beeps. Sounds like a pretty dreary place to me!

But, 'time out' still is somehow too fun as Peanut willingly asks for and goes to time out! Its like we're stuck in some Brair Rabbit trick!

For example, just this afternoon, Peanut pointed to the kitchen time out corner and asked "pia, time out?" not having done anything to deserve time there. Since I refused, she went over to her little table and chairs, and climbed up to stand on her chair. All the while looking at me, knowing she's not to climb on her chairs. Fully upright, she hopefully asks again "pia, time out!?"

Yes, this time you get to go to time out.

No, Bau-bu!

"No, Bau-BU! No!" cries out Peanut when our cat Mauku tries to sneak out the door or climb on the sofa or gets too close to her Pooh Bear.

"No, Bau-bu!" says Peanut in a commanding tone as she lifts her leg up to nudge an awaiting Mauku aside when we come in through the garage door to the kitchen.

"Tii-tu, No!" a stern Peanut says as our other cat Miuku puts a paw on the kitchen table. BAM! goes Peanuts little hand on the table to startle Miuku into obedieance.

"Bau-BU! Bau-BU!" we hear Peanut yell as she chases Mauku across the living room.

I think Peanut's mama & papa need to work on using a gentler tone of voice when talking to the kitties and focus more on showing how to also be kind and loving towards Miuku & Mauku.

Wanted: Toddler-sized apt, 2BR/1B, feeding chair, sandbox+splash-pool

I'm nearly 16 mos old now - time to assert my independence!

I've already started out by refusing to eat most of the foods mama and papa give me. This way they can better understand that I'm developing my own sense of self. Sure, I used to looovvee chicken and veggies. No longer! Of course I used to eat a big bowl of porridge for breakfast. Forget that! Along with cheese, carrot sticks, melon bites -- all history! Now, I just nibble a bit here and there. Though I will still eat Cheerios - can never give up my first love.

Next, I decided to make a stand a bath time. Literally. I find that standing in the tub gets me out pretty quick, especially if I'm crying through it all. The shower was fun for a short while, but now I gotta draw a line in the sand there, too.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mama and papa. I really do - they're good parents. Its just that I have these urges to do things by myself. I gotta try everything out.

And, I suspect I inherited this independent streak from them anyway so they'll find a way to cope with it.

Today, I almost snuck out of papa's home office with a check book. Not sure exactly how it works, but I think it'll be important once I get my own apartment set up.

Now, if only I could reach the front door knob....
-- Peanut

Peanut and our cats: Rounds 2, 3, 4, and 5

Round 1 (ding!): Cats

Round 2 (ding!): Peanut aged 6 mos - just started crawling and pulling herself up on furniture. Cats looking very surprised when they are suddenly roused from a nap on the edge of the bed by little hands reaching up for them. Still very easy to escape.
Tie

Round 3 (ding!): Peanut aged 9 mos - getting more confident in her walking. Can now chase cats and loves to try and pet them. Mama & papa desparately try to teach concept of 'gentle' pets. Peanut doesn't always get it. Cats don't always run away. Peanut gets her first swipe from grabbing sleepy cats paws. Cat gets in trouble. Mama spends hours a day rescuing cats by moving them to bedroom which is gated off from Peanut.

Round 4 (ding!): Peanut aged 12 mos - in llloooovvveee with the cats. Luckily one cat enjoys (or at least doesn't mind terribly) the full on body-slam hugs. When he's done, he wiggles out of her grasp and heads to the next room. Other cat is a bit more unsocial and stays out of Peanut's way most of the time. On occassion, Peanut finds him, corners him and usually ends up getting scratched. Mama & papa get upset at cat as swipes are too frequently at Peanut's face. Papa wants to know if we can get cat declawed or have him permanently sedated.

Round 5 (coming up!): Its hard to know how to keep a warm relationship between Peanut and the cats. It seems neither party really yet understands how to behave with the other. Peanut has gotten pretty good with the gentle pets, though she still likes to try to pull on cat paws or to show she knows where their eyes are.

Our kitties were our little ones before Peanut came along, but now they have to take the back seat. I see they are still confused and notice their behavior changing from the overly loving kitties to more hesitant ones.

How come no one warned us about the 1 year old tantrums?

Is it because they are still nothing compared to the 'terrible twos' and everything else that lies ahead?

Peanut has got opinions - I want to walk now (we just sit down for dinner at a restaurant), I want back into the pool (swim class just ended), I want to wander into the creek (when a perfectly appealing jungle gym is in the opposite direction), I want to continue pulling the cats tail (when the cat has already growled and swatted her hand)... and when mama or papa try to suggest something contrary - watch out!

Peanut cries, she arches back strong and sudden, she swats at mama or papa - even pulls our hair, she throws her arms down on the ground, and sometimes even gets into a classic baby tantrum position of beating the ground.

This from our usually easy going and sweet girl! Amazing! I'm sure we'll look back fondly on these easy tantrums one day :-)

Any advice from those of you who have been there?!

Sleep and No-sleep, Again

It seems like the endless story - this month, Peanut sleeps poorly; next month, Peanut sleeps well. In the meantime, papa sleeps as Peanut sleeps and mama usually just sleeps here & there. I asked Peanut's Grandma the other day when would she start sleeping consistently well and she told me "oh, sometime before she goes to school!".

Since Feb, Peanut had a strong case of separation anxiety that naturally flared up in the evening. I couldn't bare to hear her cry so desparately so I began snuggling her down, holding her in my arms until she was asleep and then attempting to deftly, silently, smoothly lower her into her crib. Sometimes it all went well. Often that last inch before the mattress her eyes fluttered opened followed by a big wail. Back to the chair we went.

Then, she began waking & crying at night. Papa would bring her to our bed and we'd all snuggle down for the rest of the night. Often I thought it was the sweetest thing to have our whole family in bed together. But, when Peanut couldn't settle down or got comfortable in a position that left one of us hanging off the side of the bed, it wasn't so nice.

This week, it was time to try "sleep training" aka a bit of crying. Wednesday was horrible. Mama cried and could barely sleep herself. I went through an on-going inner debate of being there for Peanut when she needs me and helping her to fall asleep on her own (but she's only a baby!!!).

Thursday, we tucked Peanut in with Pooh Bear and the cries quickly faded away. Today, there has hardly been a whimper.

Maybe Peanut just needed a little friend to share the bed with her.

EC, IPT, etc by any other name would smell just as sweet?

Thanks to the wonders of playgroups, I was encouraged to start something with Peanut that's been at the back of my mind for some time.

Known most recently as EC - Elimination Communication or IPT - Infant Potty Training, the idea is the same. Getting your baby to use a potty rather than diapers from what conventional wisdom would consider an early, early, early stage.

My first brush with the concept came a few years ago when a friend of mine was holding her little son over a toilet during one visit. Though I don't recall his exact age, he was clearly less than a year old. My friend is from India and matter of factly says that's just the way its done. Diapers are hard to come by and you certainly don't find them in the villages....

Then I'd heard the fuss about EC in the news several months ago. And, now, thanks to one of our playgroup mamas, I've gained a mountain of information and guidance on how to do this myself. A few key web resources:

Infant Potty Training
Late Starters

Though after reading my own baby book and talking to my mom, I think Late Starters may be a misnomer. She had noted in my baby book that I started using the potty at 11 mos and another Finnish friend confirmed her sister's baby had been potty trained at 12 mos. Much literature about EC references the practice in countries like India and China, but overlooks that it seems to have been a commonplace occurance in European countries as well. I wonder how it is nowadays in Finland? or the Netherlands?

It seems a significant shift has occured in the past generations pushing children into diapers for longer periods of time (hmmm, could the diaper industry have anything to do with it??!!) and now a small resurgance is afoot. I sense that potty training takes a large time commitment and the growing number of American stay at home moms (or dads) is making young potty training possible.


As for us, Peanut and I are on week two. We had a slow start just getting to know 'how' we make this work. Then we had four days marked with some successes. Today was a dud. It'll be a journey and I believe that it will be like most things we've tried to teach Peanut; one day she'll just decide that she now knows how to do this and will demonstrate her skill with accuracy :-) (I hope)!

Take a bite out of... your playmate ?!

Peanut's mama has been feeling a bit distraught ever since Peanut planted a big chomp on the cheek of one of her playmates this morning.

It all started out innocently enough. We were at Gymboree and getting ready for bubble-time when Peanut started getting friendly with the cute little boy next to us. She even leaned over to give him a baby-kiss or two. They were both having a good time until the last kiss turned into tears. When Peanut pulled away, I could see her tooth marks on the boy's cheek!!!

She's never bitten anyone before. I was so surprised and felt so bad for her victim. Peanut herself of course didn't even realize what she did. It wasn't malicious or anything. I was really shocked and kept apologizing to the mom of the bawling baby. For the rest of the time there, I kept Peanut within arms reach and was afraid to let her near the others.

The event was my first exposure to what it feels like when your baby does something you don't want her to or is "bad" behavior. It really left my mind spinning all day. Perhaps its a part of the parental 'weaning' and accepting your baby's independence. In any case, it wasn't the most pleasant feeling....

I think the cause was that she's teething again because there is a load o'slobber and she does keep nibbling on everything. This eve she was even nipping on her own forearm.

Is this a phase? Or just an uncontrollable urge that strikes when you teeth? Or do need to be concerned about keeping garlic around her ;-)?

Sleeping like a baby - HA!

Peanut is now about 7 1/2 months old and we recently had to make another concerted effort at getting her to bed in the evenings and to sleep through the night. Back at 10 weeks or so, she slept through the night for the first time and did so for several months.

When we moved to Dallas, there were several nights of adjusting to the new timezone. The advice i read was the babies who are breastfed should be fed when they wake during this time. So I did. Peanut was waking maybe 1 or 2 times a night.

But, then it continued. Every night she would wake up at a random time - sometimes 2 am, sometimes 4.30 am - crying, crying, crying. We couldn't bear to listen to her cry so we'd bring her to our bed for a feeding. Which ALWAYS put her back to sleep.

At her recent well-baby visit, the pediatrician simply said you've got to stop the night time feedings. period. she's not hungry, its just habit. And, its going to get worse at around 9 mos when babies develop more adult sleeping cycles and wake more frequently during the night. i felt the hairs on my back stand up in protest. i didn't like the advice. But, recognized that we should try it.....

Baby sleep training is about as controversial as it gets in the baby world:
Sears vs Ferber vs Cry It Out vs Baby Wise vs everything in between.

The aim is to get baby to be able to fall back asleep by herself. It should start with baby going to sleep by herself. We adjusted our evening routine so that milk came before story time. After story time, we turn out the lights, snuggle for a bit in bed and then I put Peanut in her crib while she's still somewhat awake. This was surprisingly easy. There was only about 5 evenings of more intense crying, standing, and crying. We'd go in, lay her down, rub her back/belly and walk out. Once, when it went on for more than 40 mins, I admittedly 'milked her down'.

The nighttime wakings were more of a struggle. When she woke up, we'd give her 5 mins or so to see if she calmed down. Usually she doesn't. Then, we'd go to her crib , lay her down and try the belly/back rub. It wasn't working - at least the first few nights. I'd often have to pick her up and rock her to sleep. It'd take like 40 mins before she settled back to sleep. Exhausting.

Now, about two weeks later, we've had 5 nights of no wakings. Last night, she woke at 4 am, papa went to rub and soothe. She slept for 1/2 hr. Mama's turn. She slept another 45 mins. Mama again. She slept until 6.30 when its morning milk time.

Not an easy path, but it can be done, and I feel in a gentle way.

Thumb vs Pacifier!

Like most issues in raising a baby, this one has strong advocates for both sides of the debate.

Our little Peanut has recently discovered her own thumb and is surprisingly adept at getting it into her mouth. While a relief to her parents that she can now soothe herself wherever and whenever without our assistance, I admit images of her as a 6 year old sucking her thumb are disturbing. But, what to do? Should we let her suck her thumb ? Do we just pop it out? Do we replace it with a pacifier?

Most childcare resources agree that babies simply have a strong need to suck beyond what they have to do for feeding. Its soothing for them. How that need is satisfied is the question. It could be at mom's breast (though the idea of having her hang on to me for hours seems not only painful, but rather inconvenient), with a pacifier or with her own hand/fingers/thumb.

When I asked at the Neuvola what they thought was best I was told that pacifier rather than thumb. I feel as if I see more pacifiers in use here than in the US. Admittedly, we've used a pacifier since the early weeks to help her fall asleep or if we're in the car. The challenge at night has been when the pacifier falls out - mom or dad have to drag themselves out of bed to re-insert. But, there are also those that think that using a pacifier is 'lazy parenting' meaning parents should seek to soothe their babies in some other way.

But, now, Peanut clearly prefers her own thumb to the pacifier. I've also found several advocates of the thumb who claim its a habit that disappears well before school age. So, for the time being we're happy to let her suck her thumb since it only happens when she's tired and readying herself for sleep or when she's very hungry and that's a problem mom can easily solve!


www.babycenter.com under Ask the Experts has some advice as well.

Also at www.askdrsears.com